


To Heal and Be Healed

by sunshine_ss



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Coming of Age, Consensual Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Past Rape/Non-con, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:07:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28907553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_ss/pseuds/sunshine_ss
Summary: Carl and Enid have been dating for sometime, and decide to take their relationship further. Before getting too far, Carl has a flashback to the night on the road with the Claimers.All sexual assault/rape tags are past and they just talk about it before having consensual and gentle sex.
Relationships: Enid/Carl Grimes, Ron Anderson & Enid
Kudos: 17





	To Heal and Be Healed

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhh I love this idea. Of Carl struggling to deal with his attempted sexual assault, because the show did such a bad job of depicting it and had no aftermath/further discussions of it. So I decided to make my own fic to depict how I think it would go and how Carl would deal with it when starting to get intimate with Enid.

Carl is in heaven. He must have died and gone to heaven. This cannot be real. He’s sitting here, making out with the girl of his dreams, and she’s just taken her shirt off and Carl’s eyes widen in anticipation. Never in a million years would he think he would be having this opportunity, nor with Enid. He never thought that she would actually like him back, let alone be willing and able to do this with him. 

“Fuck Enid,” he mummered against her lips, “you’re so…hot”. Carl hoped she didn’t take that in a derogatory way, it came out a little more harsh that he intended and he quickly corrected himself saying, “you’re beautiful, I mean.” 

Enid laughed to herself softly. Carl Grimes was something else. “C’mere…” she pulled him, placing a hand on the back of his neck and letting her other hand begin to trail down his chest. 

His shirt had long been discarded, thrown into a pile of clothes along with her shirt and bra. She admired his chest, she’d seen him shirtless before but never in this context. Her eyes trailed down, settling on the bulge in his jeans. And without asking she couldn’t help herself, and grabbed him through his jeans. 

At first, Carl just moaned. No one had ever touched him in such an intimate way, well except for….. 

‘No, Carl,’ he thought to himself, ‘don’t think about that now’. But it was already too late. His erection flagged, as his mind took him back to that night. The feeling of his face being shoved into the ground. He remembers how the dirt tasted in his mouth, grinding against his teeth and mixing with blood from his cheek. But most of all, he remembers the man, palming him through his jeans. He remembers how the fat man laughed to himself, when Carl’s hormonal body shamefully reacted to the unwanted stimulation. 

“What’s wrong?” Enid asked, pulling Carl away from his thoughts. Her hand remained over his jeans, but they were both painfully aware of the way his erection had softened. “Is it me?” Enid asked, turning away to grab at the sheets and bring it up to cover her chest. 

Carl’s heart broke at the way her face fell. She was so beautiful, and he was furious with himself and his body. He wished he could be a normal teenager, but living most of his life on the run, his hormones and body and sex drive were not really on the top list of priorities for them. Before getting to Alexandria, he had never even touched himself. And it took a lot of months for him to be able to do so. Everytime he did, he just thought about that night and the way his body reacted. He hadn’t wanted it, he really hadn’t. But that was the first time he had ever been touched, even if it was by force. And ever since then, getting an erection just made him feel sick to his stomach. It wasn’t until he started dating Enid that he was getting them all the time, just being around her made him hard. And with months of progress and self exploration he was able suppress the nausea that came along with an erection. He hardly noticed it anymore.

But now, this was the first time he and Enid had got this far. Sure, they had made out and got handsy, but she always kept her hands above his waist. And it wasn’t her fault, it’s not like he told her about his complicated relationship with sex, she didn’t know. 

“No,” he started, “Enid no, it’s not you. You’re beautiful.”

“Then why…” she trailed off, pointed down to his crotch, the rest of her statement became obvious.

Carl sighed, and sat back so that he could wrap his arms around her. She pressed her head into his shoulder and he used his fingers to gently brush the hair off of her face. 

“A while back,” he started, not really sure how he was going to explain this to her, “when we were on the road before we got to Alexandria, there were these… men.” 

Enid didn’t look shocked, like she knew where this was going. She knew that Carl had had a difficult life out on the run before he got here, hasn't everyone?

“One of them pushed me into the ground face first, touched me all over.”

“Did he rape you?” Enid asked.

Carl flinched at her blunt wording. He knew what the word meant, obviously. His Dad had explained it to him, after what happened with Maggie and the governor, told him that it was really important to have someone’s consent before you tried to have sex. 

“No,” he shook his head, “he just grabbed my… dick…” Carl struggled with the derogatory word. He wasn’t quite used to using the dirty terminology yet, at least not saying it out loud. “And he pushed me into the ground while he groped me, but Dad killed them. All of them.”

Enid’s mouth fell open as she listened closely. 

“I had never been touched like that. I had never even touched myself like that. And Enid, I didn’t want it, I swear, but my body…” Carl trailed off, unable to say it. He hoped Enid would understand, he hoped that she would believe him when he said he didn’t want to. 

“Your body reacted…” she said slowly, finishing his sentence for him. 

“Yes!” Carl felt like he could cry. “And for a long time after, I was disgusted with myself and with my body for reacting that way. It took a long time before I could even touch myself in that way. And now you’re the first person to touch me like that since then and I just…” 

Enid was silent. Just looking down and fidgeting with her hands. ‘Oh god’, Carl thought. ‘She hates me, she thinks i’m disgusting’.

“Enid, please say something.” Carl felt like he could cry, “Do you think i’m disgusting?”

“What?” She asked, “No Carl I don’t think that at all! It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t mean anything. 

“But he made me,” Carl gritted his teeth, “like it. I got aroused. And now here I am with the most beautiful girl in the world and I can’t even keep it up.”

“A lot of guys can’t their first time, I don’t care about that.” She explained to him. “We’ve made out hundreds of times and I’ve sat in your lap Carl, I know I’m more than capable of giving you an erection.” 

He blushed, feeling the heat rise up onto his cheeks. He always thought he was discreet, trying to hide his apparent arousal when they got a little frisky, but apparently he hadn’t done a very good job of it. 

“I’m more worried about you and your feelings, I could care less about having sex with you. That’s just a bonus.”

“Well,” he said with a small chuckle. “I care about being able to have sex with you.”

“You know what I meant you brat,” she gave him a playful slap on the shoulder, “I love you for you, and I want to know about your feelings. I’m not just here for what’s in your pants, Grimes.”

“I know you do Enid. I love you more than anything.” He sighed. “I really am okay. I barely even think about it anymore, just sometimes certain things bring me back to that night.” 

“Like me grabbing you like that?” She asked.

“Well indirectly yes, I just wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t have time to prepare.” 

“I’m sorry, I won’t do that anymore.” 

“No, Enid. I wanted you to,” Carl lowered his voice to a low whisper, “god, I wanted you to. Everytime we hang out I can barely make it home before I have to start touching myself. And everytime I do, I imagine it’s you touching me.”

Enid smirked. It was a weird feeling of pride knowing that she was able to have that effect on him. Lord knows he had that effect on her.

“Enid I want to have sex with you more than anything,” Carl said truthfully, “I just need to go slow?”

“Of course, I’ll go easy on you.” She smiled and began to kiss him again. And it was true, she would go as slow as he needed. And she was grateful now that she knew a little more of Carl’s background. She knew that he was inexperienced, that she would be his first, but now she knew she had to be extra careful. She was more experienced than him, before she even met Carl she and Ron had been sexually active, and Carl knew that too. He just hoped he’d be able to please her. 

He let his lips glide over hers, feeling the warmth of her mouth and letting his tongue explore a little bit. She let out a soft moan and Carl felt his body react almost immediately, becoming rock hard in almost an instant. 

Enid was careful with her hands now, and Carl could tell she was holding herself back as she kept her hands around his neck and upper chest. But Carl was ready now and becoming impatient. He needed to feel her. He softly took her smaller hand in his larger one, and dragged it downwards to rest on his bulge. 

She looked up at him with wide eyes, “are you sure?”

“Yes,” he responded by bucking his hips upwards into her hand, “please touch me.”

She unbuckled his belt and pulled his jeans and boxers down around his thighs in one swift motion, exposing his erection to the cool air. Carl’s face flushed crimson, no one had ever seen him naked before. But he really had nothing to worry about. He was a little above average length for his age, probably around 6 inches Enid guessed. Larger than Ron anyways. She smirked with that knowledge, of how lucky she was now.

Wasting no time, Enid wrapped her small hand around his arousal and gave him a few short pumps. Carl hissed in response, sucking in the air around him quickly as the pleasure in his shaft spiked. 

“Let me know if you need me to stop.” She whispered into his neck before assaulting his collarbone with kisses.

“Fuck Enid, if you stop I’m gonna have to kill you.” He giggled and emphasized his words by bucking his hips up into her hand.

Carl bit his lip and tried to slow his breathing. He would never admit it to her, but he was already dangerously close to the edge. He never lasted long when he was by himself thinking about her, but now here she was with her hand wrapped around his dick, stroking him at a relentless pace. 

“Enid, Enid-“ he choked out and began to push her hand away. She immediately retracted it, worried she had pushed him too far. Sensing the doubt on her face, he quickly kissed her lips and said “don’t worry, it was wonderful.” To reassure her. She smiled and he thought for a moment before slipping his hand onto her small waist and brushing it over hip, “but I want to touch you, too.”

Enid nodded her consent and Carl wasted no time dragging his fingertips over her lean stomach and resting his palm on her lower belly. He unbuttoned her pants swiftly and she aided him by pushing her skinny jeans off her legs along with her panties, leaving her completely bare to him. At first he respectfully averted his gaze, awkwardly focusing on the rug in the corner of the room. Carl had always been respectful, looking away when someone was undressed just seemed like the civil thing to do. Living most of his life on the road, with a diverse group of men and women, he learned quickly how to give people the smallest sense of common decency by turning his back when the women in his group would change or wash. He had to remind himself that this was entirely different, that he was allowed to look. Enid wanted him to. She was sharing this part of herself with him for which he was more than grateful for. 

Carl tore his attention back to her and allowed himself to look at her body. Her breasts were small, but proportionate to her body. His eyes trailed downward over her flat stomach and focused on her wide hips. He reached out to touch them, grazing his fingers over the curve of her hip and settling on her hip bone. She shuddered underneath his gentle touch. 

The boy's wandering eyes finally landed on her core, and he unconsciously licked his lips when he noticed just how wet she was. That was something he had always wondered about. When they made out, even if he tried his best to hide it he was now sure that Enid could feel his erection, she knew just how hard he was for her. And women were different, their arousal wasn’t as apparent so Carl couldn’t help but let his mind wonder if she was wet for him. 

“You just gonna stare all day?” She teased him, a hint of laughter in her voice. 

He let out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, “I-I’m not sure what to do.” He admitted. And it was true. He knew the mechanics of sex obviously, but most of his exploration was of his own body. Carl hadn’t the slightest idea how to touch a woman. 

“I’ll show you.” And with that she took his shaking hand in her own, and guided it down to her center. She traced his hand up and down her wetness, effectively getting his fingertips slick with her juices. 

To Carl's surprise, she didn’t guide his fingers inside her, but rather placed them towards the top of her vagina and pressed them down onto a small nub. 

“Feel that?” She asked and he nodded, “if you touch right here it feels really good.”

After guiding him to trace light circles over her clit, she let go and let Carl do it himself. His movements were hesitant yes, but not tentative, and Carl Grimes was a fast learner. 

She moaned underneath him, feeling herself get so wet that it was beginning to stick to her thighs. She whined when Carl stopped touching her, opening her mouth to ask why, but closed it when he crawled up on top of her and captured her lips in a deep kiss. 

“Enid, please,” Carl whined, voice clearly longing to break through, “I need to be inside of you, I- I want to make love to you.” Carl cringed at his own wording, was that a weird way to phrase it? He didn’t feel like the word ‘fucking’ fit this scenario. He didn’t want to fuck her, he wanted to make love to her. He wanted to show Enid how much he loved her, how much he wanted her, how much she meant to him. So yeah, he concluded that was the correct terminology to use.

“Condom?” She questioned, hoping Carl had some. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he pointed, “in my bedside drawer.”

She opened the drawer to be face to face with a box of variety pack condoms, 48 of them to be exact. She snickered, “planning to do this often?”

Carl groaned. Damn Daryl. “Daryl got em, on a run. I asked him for ONE and he brought me back an entire box. Said I would probably be needing them more than him.”

“Oh awesome, so Daryl thinks we’re just fucking all the time?” Enid laughed. “I’ll never be able to look that man in the eyes again.” 

Carl rolled his eyes and opened the box with his teeth, choosing a light blue colored package from the box and tossing the rest of the floor. ‘I’ll deal with those later’, he thought. 

At first he just held the package in his hand, uncertain what to do with it. Enid sensed he was a little out of him element and gently sat up to take the blue package from his hand. He felt the heat rise up in his cheeks but she only gave him a reassuring smile when he blushed. Enid, with a little more experience in this department than Carl, opened the package and pinched the tip before ever so gently rolling the condom onto his shaft. 

He choked back a moan, aware that Michonne and his father were in the house, presumably asleep, and they were already probably being too loud. But he wished they were totally and completely alone. He wanted to be able to hear how she sounded without her hand muffling the noises.

Once the condom was on, he leaned over her again and pressed a quick kiss just to the side of her mouth. “Ready?” he asked. Carl knew this wasn’t her first time, so he was hoping it wouldn’t be painful for her, but he was still going to go slow and make this pleasurable for her. 

“I’ve always been ready for you, Grimes.”

Carl balanced himself on his elbows, hovering above her as he ever so slowly pushed his hips forward, just enough to get the tip in before pulling back out and then easing in a bit more. He watched her carefully, studying her face for any signs of pain. 

She took a quick and sharp breath before catching her bottom lip between her teeth and screwing her eyes shut. For a brief moment, Carl considered pulling out and just wrapping his arms around her because he thought she was in pain. But he was wrong, oh so wrong. 

Suddenly, Enid threw her head back and moaned. Carl quickly brought one of his hands to her mouth and muffled the sounds she was making, though he wished he didn’t have to. Even with the blinding pleasure he was feeling, he still had the presence of mind to be aware that they were not alone in the house, that Rick and Michonne were, hopefully asleep, in the next room. He dipped his mouth down to whisper into her ear. 

“Be quiet,” he shushed her, voice thick and heavy with arousal. She opened her eyes and looked up at him to nod her understanding, and he removed his hand and pushed fully inside her. 

“How’s it feel?” She asked, smiling, “you’re not a virgin anymore.” 

“Feels so….good.” He gritted, unable to come up with a more descriptive word. She was so warm and wet around him, it felt so much better than his hand. Carl was unable to help himself, so he started a slow and uneven pace with his hips. 

Enid chuckled and gave him a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips. He was bigger than she was used to, so it took a moment for her body to accommodate to his size, but he was sure to go slow at first so it never hurt her. Once she was used to the feeling of having a man inside her again, Enid couldn’t get enough. She wriggled her hips and hoped that he would take the hint to go deeper, faster, harder, anything. She knew he was trying to be gentle, and that it was his first time and all but she needed something more. With a surge of confidence and in one swift movement, she caught Carl by surprise and was able to flip them over without even having to remove his dick from inside her. 

Carl huffed, obviously annoyed with how easily he gave up control but all his sensibilities shattered as Enid began a more even and steady pace on top of him, bouncing herself on his dick. She grabbed both of his hands and interlaced their fingers before leaving forward and pushing his hands back against the bed to steady herself.

Carl smiled lightly at the sweet gesture of holding hands. It was something they had done many times before, a wholesome act that made his heart swell and only added to the intimacy of the situation. This was the girl he loved, giving herself to him completely, above him. He watched her in awe as she rode him, and admired the way she looked. He memorized how she looked in this state of bliss, baby strands of hair sticking to her forehead, cheeks flushed, head thrown forward and her teeth caught her bottom lip. Carl wondered if she always bit her lip like this, or if it was something she was doing to muffle the sounds that were longing to break through. He so desperately wanted to hear her, to know what he moans sounded like. 

“Enid,” he said to grab her attention. “Moan for me… quietly”. Carl added before bringing one of his hands up to drag his thumb on her bottom lip, bringing it out from in between her teeth. 

Enid looked down at him with a worried look on her face. “What about your Dad, Michonne?” 

“I don’t care,” he said, “they’re probably asleep anyways.” 

She still looked unsure, but continued to ride on his cock, unable to help the small squeak that escaped her as his length hit her g-spot.

“Please, I’m already so close,” Carl admitted, cheeks reddening at the admittance, “I wanna know what you sound like when you cum.”

She nodded her head slowly. And Carl hadn’t been lying, he was close already, but there was no way he was gonna let himself finish before she did. And then he remembered something she told him earlier. Untangling one of his hands from hers, but leaving their other hands still intertwined, he tried to remember the movements he had made earlier. With a shaky hand, he brought two of his fingers to her center and placed them on her clit. Just like before, he began to rub in quick tight circles, which made the girl above his shudder. He knew he had done it right because he could feel the way she spasmed around him. 

“Carl I-,” Enid stuttered out, her hips starting to falter, making jerky movements that seemed to only spur Carl on. It didn’t matter what movements she made, all of them had him whimpering and bucking up into her. 

“Are you close?” He asked and she nodded shakily. One of his hands continued to rub at her clit, and the other was still interlocked with her hand. Keeping their fingers laced together, he brought their hands to his mouth and gently kissed the back of her hand. “Me too. Cum for me. Cum with me.”

She was a writhing mess on top of him, so close to falling over the edge and Carl was the same, both just needing a little push. She locked eyes with him and whispered, “I love you Carl”. And then she was gone, hips coming to a stutter before her walls tightened around him. Her mouth fell open and her head rolled back. She did as he had asked, and moaned quietly as she came, loud enough so that she was sure Carl could hear her but not so loud that it would wake anyone else in the house up. 

Carl watched as she came undone, and his breath caught in a hitch hearing the noises she had made. As soon as he felt her walls clench around him, he couldn’t hold back anymore. Carl exhaled and scrunched up his face as he came into the condom. 

“Fuck”, he gritted out through his teeth as Enid got off of him and rolled down next to him, going lax in his arms. He took off the condom, and tried to ignore the mess it left on his dick, he’d deal with that in a minute. But right now he wrapped his arm around Enid and melded his body with her, feeling her pounded heartbeat begin to become steady again as they both caught their breath. 

He smiled at her, “I love you too, Enid.”


End file.
